You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
