Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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