we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
