His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
