I want to make a zoo with you.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
