i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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