I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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