How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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