That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
