is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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