First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
