oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think my moral compass just broke
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
