Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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