he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
where are my eyebrows?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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