...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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