How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
