I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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