butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Randomize
