Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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