what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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