SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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