How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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