Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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