About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
