are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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