I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
