no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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