i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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