and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
