"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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