We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
