I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
