well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
