I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
