; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
