She is in my trunk
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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