Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
