He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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