i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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