I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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