I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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