I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
