You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
