party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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