Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
