you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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