Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
