We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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