I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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