party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
