That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
