what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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